THE AGENDA WEEK 9: Big Ten Football vs. The World

This is a column to check in on the rest of the football world, but since it’s 2025 in America I will beat you over the head with The Agenda, which in case you’ve forgotten is “Big Ten Superiority Unless It’s Funny.”

THE AGENDA MVP: Illinois Fighting Illini, Minnesota Golden Gophers, USC Trojans

Three teams share co-MVP honors this week because through their victories these three became the 8th, 9th and 10th bowl-eligible teams in the Big Ten. That’s more than any other conference can boast. The Big Ten will rightfully fill up the entire postseason.

Minnesota was able to overcome the 2022 PAC-12 Coach of the Year to lock up their sixth win at home. The best from all across the country come here to compete, and many of them don’t make it because things are that competitive.

Nebraska narrowly lost to #23 USC and lost their star quarterback in the process. They have only lost to bowl-eligible teams, but unfortunately that puts them at 6-3 in the meat grinder that is the Big Ten. For the Trojans, knocking off a team on the road that won three national titles in four years is a substantial step forward. They moved up to #20, with their only losses coming to #10 and a second team that really has no business being outside of the Top 25.

I’m speaking of course of Illinois, who continues to pay the Lost To Ohio State Tax. Their losses are to #1, #2 and #24. At home with the chance to play a team that wasn’t among the nation’s elite, the Illini put up a massive victory to secure a postseason berth. If they win out, they have every bit as much of an argument for playoff inclusion as Ole Miss, South Carolina and Alabama did last year.

FRONTRUNNERS FAIL TO HEED MY ADVICE

Ohio State and Indiana neglected to dick around in their games against teams that have now fired their head coaches and put up very decisive victories. This is not what the plebeians who vote for the AP Top 25 and select the CFP field want to see. They’re starting to risk being left out of the CFP entirely for fear that there is no possible matchup for them that would make for compelling TV except each other.

Maryland is yet another Big Ten program who has moved on from their head coach in an attempt to do whatever it takes to get better. There are now three such teams in the Big Ten. We should give them at least until the beginning of next season to prove themselves.

MICHIGAN SHOWS TRUE EXCELLENCE

Michigan struggled at home to pull away from a 2-6 Purdue team. If you don’t watch football you might take that as an indictment of the Wolverines. If, however, you actually know ball, you’ll understand what really happened.

The fact that Michigan could have an off game against an inferior opponent and still find a way to pull out a victory is a testament to the elite championship DNA that runs through not just them but every Big Ten team.

In spite of this excellence, the AP kept them parked at #21. A mere six Big Ten teams are in the AP poll, with only #6 Oregon joining OSU and Indiana above 20th. The Coaches’ Poll gives Iowa their due but shuns Washington. The likes of Illinois, Nebraska, Minnesota, Northwestern, Rutgers, Maryland and UCLA all somehow remain unranked in either poll.

SEC REMAINS IMPRESSIVE TO PEOPLE WHO DON’T WATCH FOOTBALL

The SEC’s One Loss Wonders were at it again this week. Alabama didn’t play, but they also didn’t un-lose to Florida State.

IT CONTINUES TO BE NECESSARY TO REMIND THE AUDIENCE JUST TO WHOM ALABAMA LOST

#4 Alabama is the top-ranked team in the country getting no first-place votes (yet). They are well clear of Oregon in voters’ minds. If Oregon’s loss was not to 9-0 Indiana but instead to 4-4 FSU, who did by the way finally win their first conference game since 2023, do you think that would be enough to vault them to #1 in the poll?

ANYWAY

Right, so Georgia squeaked by Florida 24-20. Florida is apparently the best 3-5 team in the history of the sport because squeaking by them is the same as beating a quality team by several touchdowns. Ole Miss looked unimpressive against former pretender South Carolina. There’s something to be said for teams that play in bowls against Illinois, but that’s not for this article.

Arch Manning was cleared to play for Texas, but despite this setback they were able to overcome Vanderbilt’s smoke and mirrors. Texas would never have gotten away with their previous two wins if it were against the mid-pack-or-worse of the Big Ten, but the SEC never punishes you for mediocre play against a tomato can.

Mississippi State’s score against Arkansas looks a lot like what Texas A&M did!

Auburn scored three points and fired Hugh Freeze. News flash for Auburn and all those Southerners: you can’t just buy a team like you could 10 years ago and be good. The rest of us can buy teams now, and we’re apparently much better at it than you.

Whenever you inquire as to why any given SEC team is supposedly so good in 2025, you have to break down a bunch of circular arguments and if you’re lucky, the truly distilled argument is “because they just are.” If you’re unlucky, whoever it is you ask will start screaming about Wokeness and threaten to run for Senate.

ATLANTIC GHOST CONFERENCE

Convenient how Notre Dame just happens to have a rivalry with the worst team in the ACC.

Georgia Tech and Miami both lost. In the case of Georgia Tech, they lost to NC State, a team that is at all times not bad enough to fire the coach but not good enough to receive AP votes. In the ACC, grab a functionally immortal quarterback and you can get all the way to 8-1. In the Big Ten, you’re just Illinois.

Miami is .500 in ACC play after losing in overtime to SMU, a team that Penn State smacked out of the playoffs. And this is Penn State we’re talking about! They don’t have a single Big Ten win to their name!

The best win for #12 Virginia is #14 Louisville. Outside of that, they’ve beaten Cal, Wazzu, UNC, FSU, Stanford, William and Mary and Coastal Carolina. Very impressive. They’ll end the season against Wake Forest, Duke and Virginia Tech. They’re going to end up 11-1 having beaten virtually nobody of note.

Louisville at least defeated Miami and Pitt, which have won a few notable games. Their remaining schedule is more difficult than Virginia’s, but whose isn’t at this point?

JEFF SIMS ALERT

Nebraska castoff Jeff Sims ran for 228 yards against Iowa State to get Arizona State bowl-eligible. He didn’t have opportunities against that caliber of opponents in the Big Ten.

Scott Frost is now 1-4 in Big 12 play. It’s unclear if he blames Nebraska for this. Colorado is 3-6 if anybody still even cares what they’re doing. Houston lost to a fairly bad West Virginia team to move out of the rankings. Texas Tech and BYU are more or less clear of the field at this point.

Token Ranked G5 Team Memphis, still carrying the UAB loss, moved to 8-1 after beating Rice.

NEXT WEEK

BYU plays at Texas Tech to determine whether or not BYU will play Texas Tech for the Big 12 title.

In the conference that matters, Northwestern could become the 11th bowl eligible team if they can knock off mighty #20 USC. The winner of Maryland at Rutgers will be on the precipice of the postseason as well. The Fighting Illini were unranked during their last bye and emerged ranked. Just a note for later. Oregon will get their first taste of Night Kinnick and potentially welcome Iowa roaring back to the top 25 (or just get both booted by ignorant Southerners……or, as they’re also known, Southerners)

Ole Miss has a bye on Chickenshit Saturday, so they’re playing two tomato cans in a row (The Citadel, Florida) to make up for it. Notre Dame will try to remain #10 by disrespecting the troops.